Tuesday, October 30, 2007
How Can I Help MySelf?
On Sunday night, all I could think about was "I wish someone would just help me out once in a while." What I mean is, with so much garbage going on lately, I wish I had someone to truly confide in to pray with me and for me. I want to have someone to just be there for me when I need help and when I need to let everything out of my heart. But, then the thought popped into my head. "If I rely on someone to always help me, then I'll never grow to be able to help myself."
My mom says that whenever a thought that you would never think of by yourself, pops up, then it's God speaking to you. I guess I believe that.
I believe God was telling me that I need to learn to handle and tackle things on my own. Learn to rely God and call out to him, without having to go through another person.
There is a man I know who has somewhat addressed this with me in a few conversations. He has a high goals for himself, and to reach them, he needs to have the experiences he has now to help grow into the man he wants to be. He puts himself through trials without backing out, to help himself for a life he desires to lead. That really impacted me.
It might seem stupid, but I've come to find that all my life I've counted on my mom praying for me or my brother when they saw I was hurting. As a child, I would be terrified of different things, but I never wanted to meet the problem head on. I would just think "Well, I know my mom prays for my safety, so I'm good." But I've realized that depending on everyone else wont cut it for real life.
In 2 years I will graduate from school. 4 years after that I plan on having a college degree in whatever field the Lord puts me in. I also want to get married. Have children, and maybe even a pet or two There are many responsibilities. A job, a husband, kids, a house, cars, bills, etc. They will fall on me. They will fall on me to be able to handle. But, to do so, I myself, need to build up on my relationship with God, through Christ and furthermore construct a solid foundation for life as I know it.
Although, I do believe having someone to be able to consult and share with is very important, but I can't throw my Christian responsibilities over to them.
My mom says that whenever a thought that you would never think of by yourself, pops up, then it's God speaking to you. I guess I believe that.
I believe God was telling me that I need to learn to handle and tackle things on my own. Learn to rely God and call out to him, without having to go through another person.
There is a man I know who has somewhat addressed this with me in a few conversations. He has a high goals for himself, and to reach them, he needs to have the experiences he has now to help grow into the man he wants to be. He puts himself through trials without backing out, to help himself for a life he desires to lead. That really impacted me.
It might seem stupid, but I've come to find that all my life I've counted on my mom praying for me or my brother when they saw I was hurting. As a child, I would be terrified of different things, but I never wanted to meet the problem head on. I would just think "Well, I know my mom prays for my safety, so I'm good." But I've realized that depending on everyone else wont cut it for real life.
In 2 years I will graduate from school. 4 years after that I plan on having a college degree in whatever field the Lord puts me in. I also want to get married. Have children, and maybe even a pet or two There are many responsibilities. A job, a husband, kids, a house, cars, bills, etc. They will fall on me. They will fall on me to be able to handle. But, to do so, I myself, need to build up on my relationship with God, through Christ and furthermore construct a solid foundation for life as I know it.
Although, I do believe having someone to be able to consult and share with is very important, but I can't throw my Christian responsibilities over to them.
Old Teachers
So, I found my brother's yearbook from the 1999-2000 school year and found 4 of my teachers. It was amazing. There was Mr. Fountain, Mr. Weis, Mrs. Keeney, and Ms. Gardner. I'm still not sure who had a better picture; Mr. Fountain or Mr. Weis. Both looked like noobs. :)
Monday, October 29, 2007
Senate Hearing
Tomorrow is a big day. We're having our Senate Hearing in Endeaver. Something I've been dreading.
Now, all today I have been miserably sick. Headache, body aches, and chills. Along with a mild fever. I can't miss school tomorrow.
BUT, I have been studying TBQ material. My Goal: Quote Chapter 3 on Thursday. I'll try it with Evan because he's only one who I wont completely embarrass myself with. Plus, the only one who wont make me feel like an idiot.
Now, all today I have been miserably sick. Headache, body aches, and chills. Along with a mild fever. I can't miss school tomorrow.
BUT, I have been studying TBQ material. My Goal: Quote Chapter 3 on Thursday. I'll try it with Evan because he's only one who I wont completely embarrass myself with. Plus, the only one who wont make me feel like an idiot.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
27 different date ideas. Think about it, once a week, for 27 weeks, about 5 months total. Or, once every other weekend, for almost a year.
Interesting. I find myself struggling with the issues as well from a Christian's point of view. I'm glad somebody else does too.
In a world where it's Aaron vs. Ana, I choose to own!
Tonight, I focused all my attention on the sole purpose of torturing Aaron. I think I succeeded. First of all, no matter what he thinks, I totally beat him. Completely.
Not to mention, in the actual physical fight, I destroyed him. I beat the living crap out of him. We ended up on the floor, kicking like wild men. Seeing as I'm much more of a beast, I naturally towered over him. Hahahaha, I don't think I had more fun beating someone up before in my life.
Plus, tonight produced this conversation:
(In regards to a previous conversation of Aaron's pregnancy)
Me: So, who's the father?
Aaron: Uhhhhhhh.....
Me: Oh, a game of clue, eh? Mr. Green, in the billards room, with the candle stick!
Aaron: With the wrench.
Hahahahahahahah. Think of that in regards to conception and you'll soon be laughing as hard as we were, or, possibly, you could just be shaking your head in shame.
Not to mention, in the actual physical fight, I destroyed him. I beat the living crap out of him. We ended up on the floor, kicking like wild men. Seeing as I'm much more of a beast, I naturally towered over him. Hahahaha, I don't think I had more fun beating someone up before in my life.
Plus, tonight produced this conversation:
(In regards to a previous conversation of Aaron's pregnancy)
Me: So, who's the father?
Aaron: Uhhhhhhh.....
Me: Oh, a game of clue, eh? Mr. Green, in the billards room, with the candle stick!
Aaron: With the wrench.
Hahahahahahahah. Think of that in regards to conception and you'll soon be laughing as hard as we were, or, possibly, you could just be shaking your head in shame.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
InuYasha
So, it's 2 in the morning and SNL has ended. I flip through the channels, trying to find something to stimulate my half a sleep mind. As I look through the guide, up comes InuYasha.
"Hmm..." I think to myself "I don't understand the obsession with anime. I guess that's probably because I've only ever watched one episodes of 2 different shows and one movie. All of which I only paid about 30% of my attention spand to." Soooo, I decided to watch it, just to get a taste of what everyone at Bible Quiz seems to focus their life around.
Hahahahahahahaha. I was so confused. I guess it's not good to come into a series at some random point, and not understand a single thing. I slightly remember the fact that InuYasha was trapped somewhere for a long time or was there a long time ago, that was it.
This episode was some girl named Kagome sees InuYasha with Kikyo. Kikyo floats into the sky, InuYasha yells something, and now Kagome is all depressed. At that point, I started to crack up laughing.
1) I have no idea what's going
2) Facial expressions on anime characters are priceless.
Honestly, I still don't get the obsession. I understand liking it, but I don't understand why people are obsessed with it. Anything anime related, they're into. That's foreign to me. But, I still got a pretty good laugh from the whole experience. I'll probably watch it again, but maybe not at 2am.
"Hmm..." I think to myself "I don't understand the obsession with anime. I guess that's probably because I've only ever watched one episodes of 2 different shows and one movie. All of which I only paid about 30% of my attention spand to." Soooo, I decided to watch it, just to get a taste of what everyone at Bible Quiz seems to focus their life around.
Hahahahahahahaha. I was so confused. I guess it's not good to come into a series at some random point, and not understand a single thing. I slightly remember the fact that InuYasha was trapped somewhere for a long time or was there a long time ago, that was it.
This episode was some girl named Kagome sees InuYasha with Kikyo. Kikyo floats into the sky, InuYasha yells something, and now Kagome is all depressed. At that point, I started to crack up laughing.
1) I have no idea what's going
2) Facial expressions on anime characters are priceless.
Honestly, I still don't get the obsession. I understand liking it, but I don't understand why people are obsessed with it. Anything anime related, they're into. That's foreign to me. But, I still got a pretty good laugh from the whole experience. I'll probably watch it again, but maybe not at 2am.
Call me a geek, but I'm obsessed with her.
This is by far, my absolute favorite quote of the Queen's:
"... I have learned from my mother not to fear and death and I shall await it with firmness."
Gorgeous.
but, there is a close second:
"Courage! I have shown it for years; think you I shall lose it at the moment when my sufferings are to end?"
This is by far, my absolute favorite quote of the Queen's:
"... I have learned from my mother not to fear and death and I shall await it with firmness."
Gorgeous.
but, there is a close second:
"Courage! I have shown it for years; think you I shall lose it at the moment when my sufferings are to end?"
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
My Feet Are Killing Me
Aww, today. Very interesting, at least from my perspective.
To start it off, I wore my new Burberry flats that my mommy bought me (bless her) which started off just feeling perfect. I felt very comfortable with them paired with just jeans and a black t-shirt. So, my Advanced Algebra class starts off pretty good. Took a team test that I feel we did very well on. Anyways, during passing, I try to find Hillary to show her my new shoes (Obviously, not to gloat!) but fail in doing so. I head to the gym but see a sign about meeting in the Library, but I didn't know if that meant just for the period or SSR as well. So, I head back up to the main floor. There I find Allison, who, incidentally, also had no idea where we go. We decided to walk to the Library to see if anyone else from the class was present. They weren't. I asked the librarian if she had any idea. Sadly, she didn't, but advised we go back down to the gym and find a real teacher to ask for help. As we walk out, a big group of guys (and Jamie) walk into the library and say that another teacher in the gym said that Milligan/Horaski wanted us in the library. We all sit and wait... and wait... and wait, until finally Mr. Milligan found us and directed us back to the gym.
Anyways! Everyone had to take the CBA up in the library, except for me. I had to fill out some paper about body image, metabolism, injuries, etc. It actually wasn't as boring as first thought led me to believe. When everyone was done, we got to hang out in the library for the rest of the period. Haha. Cameron came up to us going on about some belly dancing book he found that came with "You know, those 'chang' 'chang' 'chang' things" Meanwhile doing a little dance. It was a highlight.
Meanwhile, my feet are starting to throb. I check my heels to see what's going on. To my dismay, I have horrible blisters on my feet (Ah, the pains of being a woman.) I went to the nurse to get band aids, but they didn't help in the least bit. I went though lunch with the pain, but looked forward to slipping my shoes off during 3rd period and letting my feet free. Now, usually, I do absolutely nothing during this class, but today they sent me on an seemingly impossible task of finding these 2 kids to give them notes from their parents. The idea of putting my shoes back on and wondering the school was not music to my ears, but more like a cat in a heat, trapped inside of a cage. I look through the database to find the two siblings. Wrote down their classroom number, and started out.
We're going on an adventure!
I tried to find the boy first, seeing as I saw his class wasn't downstairs in the gym, but easily accessible, and seeing as I was ready to tear off my own feet, that seemed more appealing. I read the room number '204,' "Sweet, I know where that is!"
Ha, it's funny how God plays tricks on you. I think he just wants us to realize that laughter is best way to handle the small things.
I drop the note off only to be chased down the hall by a student informing me that no such student existed in that class. "Ugh. More walking!" I say to myself. But, I shrug my shoulders and just head straight to the girl's class. So, I painfully walk to the gym. I ask the teacher if she had that student. Again, more disappointment. She tells me that, even though the database states that room '702' is a gym class, it's actually the band room. I'm ready to cry. So, I go the band room where I find there is no teacher anywhere in sight. So, I ask the students if this girl was in this class. They all let me know she doesn't have band this period. Gay. I walk back to the main office.
We try again on a different system. Ahh. The guy is in Autoshop. The girl is in gym, but with a different teacher.
I walk back to the gym. Every step is one more closer to a breakdown. I find that the class is out on the field. I head outside and down the stairs. FOUND THE GIRL! Then return up the stairs to find the other kid. Ha! Every door was locked. All doors to gym refused to allow my passage though. So, I walk around the building (Yup, around the building) to find the nearest open door. Eventually, I found one and got back to my adventure through the school. Now, apparently the autoshop class in the 500 building, but, as I walked through the 500 building, there is no '553' anywhere. After circling around the building maybe 2 or 3 times, I head back to the office to find where in the world God was taking me. As I read the map, I see that room '553' was in the 600 building. Yea... that makes a lot of sense. I head back to that building.
Ahhhh... this goes on forever. Now, I can hear their voices very easily, but finding the door was a whole other problem. I circle a bit then find a main door. But, I can't get it open. I'm ready to cuss the door out, blame it for all my problems and maybe give it a swift kick. But, somebody came by and was able to get it for me. I finally find the class, thus completing my mission.
All in all, today was okay. I had a really great time with Pastor Nik and Frank ( "You're going to get herpes on your feet!!!!" ) and then a decent time at quiz. At least, better than usual. Andrew and I completely screwed around the whole time, which annoyed Anna to no end. But, I like having fun and we weren't being crazy. Hahahahaha, plus, I found out that Rich, Evan, and myself all share an equally dirty mind... on many subjects! That was the best part of the night.
I hope everyone else had an eventful night!
To start it off, I wore my new Burberry flats that my mommy bought me (bless her) which started off just feeling perfect. I felt very comfortable with them paired with just jeans and a black t-shirt. So, my Advanced Algebra class starts off pretty good. Took a team test that I feel we did very well on. Anyways, during passing, I try to find Hillary to show her my new shoes (Obviously, not to gloat!) but fail in doing so. I head to the gym but see a sign about meeting in the Library, but I didn't know if that meant just for the period or SSR as well. So, I head back up to the main floor. There I find Allison, who, incidentally, also had no idea where we go. We decided to walk to the Library to see if anyone else from the class was present. They weren't. I asked the librarian if she had any idea. Sadly, she didn't, but advised we go back down to the gym and find a real teacher to ask for help. As we walk out, a big group of guys (and Jamie) walk into the library and say that another teacher in the gym said that Milligan/Horaski wanted us in the library. We all sit and wait... and wait... and wait, until finally Mr. Milligan found us and directed us back to the gym.
Anyways! Everyone had to take the CBA up in the library, except for me. I had to fill out some paper about body image, metabolism, injuries, etc. It actually wasn't as boring as first thought led me to believe. When everyone was done, we got to hang out in the library for the rest of the period. Haha. Cameron came up to us going on about some belly dancing book he found that came with "You know, those 'chang' 'chang' 'chang' things" Meanwhile doing a little dance. It was a highlight.
Meanwhile, my feet are starting to throb. I check my heels to see what's going on. To my dismay, I have horrible blisters on my feet (Ah, the pains of being a woman.) I went to the nurse to get band aids, but they didn't help in the least bit. I went though lunch with the pain, but looked forward to slipping my shoes off during 3rd period and letting my feet free. Now, usually, I do absolutely nothing during this class, but today they sent me on an seemingly impossible task of finding these 2 kids to give them notes from their parents. The idea of putting my shoes back on and wondering the school was not music to my ears, but more like a cat in a heat, trapped inside of a cage. I look through the database to find the two siblings. Wrote down their classroom number, and started out.
We're going on an adventure!
I tried to find the boy first, seeing as I saw his class wasn't downstairs in the gym, but easily accessible, and seeing as I was ready to tear off my own feet, that seemed more appealing. I read the room number '204,' "Sweet, I know where that is!"
Ha, it's funny how God plays tricks on you. I think he just wants us to realize that laughter is best way to handle the small things.
I drop the note off only to be chased down the hall by a student informing me that no such student existed in that class. "Ugh. More walking!" I say to myself. But, I shrug my shoulders and just head straight to the girl's class. So, I painfully walk to the gym. I ask the teacher if she had that student. Again, more disappointment. She tells me that, even though the database states that room '702' is a gym class, it's actually the band room. I'm ready to cry. So, I go the band room where I find there is no teacher anywhere in sight. So, I ask the students if this girl was in this class. They all let me know she doesn't have band this period. Gay. I walk back to the main office.
We try again on a different system. Ahh. The guy is in Autoshop. The girl is in gym, but with a different teacher.
I walk back to the gym. Every step is one more closer to a breakdown. I find that the class is out on the field. I head outside and down the stairs. FOUND THE GIRL! Then return up the stairs to find the other kid. Ha! Every door was locked. All doors to gym refused to allow my passage though. So, I walk around the building (Yup, around the building) to find the nearest open door. Eventually, I found one and got back to my adventure through the school. Now, apparently the autoshop class in the 500 building, but, as I walked through the 500 building, there is no '553' anywhere. After circling around the building maybe 2 or 3 times, I head back to the office to find where in the world God was taking me. As I read the map, I see that room '553' was in the 600 building. Yea... that makes a lot of sense. I head back to that building.
Ahhhh... this goes on forever. Now, I can hear their voices very easily, but finding the door was a whole other problem. I circle a bit then find a main door. But, I can't get it open. I'm ready to cuss the door out, blame it for all my problems and maybe give it a swift kick. But, somebody came by and was able to get it for me. I finally find the class, thus completing my mission.
All in all, today was okay. I had a really great time with Pastor Nik and Frank ( "You're going to get herpes on your feet!!!!" ) and then a decent time at quiz. At least, better than usual. Andrew and I completely screwed around the whole time, which annoyed Anna to no end. But, I like having fun and we weren't being crazy. Hahahahaha, plus, I found out that Rich, Evan, and myself all share an equally dirty mind... on many subjects! That was the best part of the night.
I hope everyone else had an eventful night!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Kind of Hectic.
So, life lately has been a train wreck followed by a ship sinking, ending in a fall off a cliff.
Besides being extremely behind on the Quiz material, my cat dying, my new cat having cancer, and trying to plan out my character for the Clone Hearing project in Endeavor, I've also had to deal with my family, Bible Quiz team member...dilemmas... and lack of time Ryan chooses to spend with me. Plus, I need to work on my English so I no longer write run on sentences.
Bible Quiz:
Besides being extremely behind on the Quiz material, my cat dying, my new cat having cancer, and trying to plan out my character for the Clone Hearing project in Endeavor, I've also had to deal with my family, Bible Quiz team member...dilemmas... and lack of time Ryan chooses to spend with me. Plus, I need to work on my English so I no longer write run on sentences.
Bible Quiz:
- 2 problems come out of Bible Quiz. I just don't have the time, the drive, or the patience, for memorizing the material. Lame excuse, I know, but I mean, come on. The older kids are homeschooled... they have a lot of time to spend a couple hours a day dedicated to memorization. The younger kids (2 being homeschooled...) Haven't gotten to the highschool level of work thrown on you. 6 hours of my day are spent actually on campus, plus another 1-2 hours of homework. I also have to have time to keep up with my family, friends, and anything socially involved. I know that being joined on a competitive team means putting in some effort... hey, I show up. That's enough right?
- Also, I guess a lot of my desire for it has been lost in the never ending battle with a... not really team mate, but a coach... I'm so done with it. I've talked with other coaches, our head of our team, and now finally our youth pastor. Still absolutely nothing is changing. If he would listen to me, I'd talk to him. If he wasn't such a jerk to people, then we wouldn't have this problem... I've resorted to just leaving it alone. Don't get me wrong, the next inconsiderate remark he makes will be called out on, but I'm not going to let him get to me and dictate my life outside of him by constant thoughts of how much I dislike him. :)
Shadow to Tara:
- As many know, my kitty, Shadow, died a little over a month from a wild animal attack in my own backyard. Life has been so stressful since. I now have 5 more cats, along with our previous 3 dogs. But, one of the cats we bought, Tara, was a rescue kitty that we found about a week and a half ago. Her an I really bonded. She's so sweet and loving and just a cuddle bug. But, she's also deathly skinny. We took her to the vet only to find she might have Hyper Thyroidism. There is a surgery for it, so we weren't too worried, besides the fact that it would cost about $850. Sadly, though, Saturday morning we woke to her throwing up. She hadn't been eating for a couple days, except for when we forced her. My mom and I took her to the vet where they told us she might have cancer or IBD along with Hyper Thyroidism. Thus meaning, she could only live for another 3 months or so. BUT, the cancer hasn't been proven yet, so she might not have it and she might live for another 5-6 years. Either way, we can not keep her, because the stress of a multiple animal family will only make her worse. She already has a new home picked for her and that will be really suitable, but I still can't keep the tears from streaming down my face. I know she'll have better life, but, I still don't want to lose another kitty.
School:
- Actually, school is one of the easier parts of my life. Besides having to get up early, I'm okay with it. But, we have this one project to do on Friday that was a role playing activity involving subhuman cloning and what not. It seemed cool, until we found out our parts. Half the class is either a Senator or Senator's staff. Senators only have to ask questions and the staff does nothing at all. 'Concerned citizens' just have to decide why they are either pro or anti - subhuman cloning. The 'Clones' don't really doing anything besides consider if they like being a clone or not. Then, there the 'attorneys' who just help the person being persecuted for their work in subhuman cloning. That person is the 'Molecular Biologist.' They will be questioned... so they have to know all the answers to why, how, when, and what their company was planning to do with the clones. Plus, know their own personal history with the company. Guess who gets to be the Molecular Biologist... me... I'm not very excited. Plus, everything about me has to be a secret. Where I stand, what I did, if I did anything at all, and all other information about the Subhuman Cloning project that I might know. So, anytime I have a question or need to discuss something, I have to go out in the hall. All papers Mr. Fountain gives me, can't be seen by anyone else. It's really weird... and a bit too stressful for, but I'll get though it. I always do.
Family:
- I don't even know if I want to discuss my family. Haha. So much garbage going on with this subject. People not understanding where I'm coming from and only caring about their own opinion and how they act. I just feel like I'm constantly getting yelled at, having a "stern talking to" and am just being put down and talked down to. I feel like I was too nice growing up that everyone feels that yelling at me, or taking out aggression on me, is okay because they know I just listen and go on acting happy. It seems like everyone in my family has chosen me to complain about the other person, so I know all of the problems, but I still have to be nice to everyone, always have a smile, and act clueless. Sometimes, when I'm upset about something, I get in trouble for it because I guess I'm expected to always be positive. I guess I kind of know how my Grandma feels. All her children call her all day long to complain about the other siblings. It ends in my grandma having to settle every problem they have. Along the same lines, she has to act clueless, and the minute she slips up and accidentally tells another what the problem is, she gets yelled at. but again, with school, I'll get over it. Tonight, things will be all better until someone accidentally says the wrong thing, then someone gets yelled at, then it falls on me. Oh well. I still love my family. I still chose them over all things (Besides Christ, of course.)
Ryan:
- Not too much to really complain about with him. EXCEPT for the fact that he seems to never want to hang out with me. I only see him, like 2 or 3 days a week, and one of those days are Sundays where we're at church, don't talk, don't sit next to each other, and then usually split for the rest of the day with different plans. Then, during the week, he just has "too much" homework to come over or to pick me up from school. The most annoying thing is, though, is that when I call or anything, he's usually not doing homework. He's either eating, watching tv, on the computer, or playing Halo 3. (I hate you Microsoft.) He always reasures me he was working on his homework, but is taking a break, or he's about to do it. Alas, the quarter ends in December, so I just have to wait it out. Lame.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Stand Up For The Little Guy
Why should anyone? It's not like anyone else is even trying...
How many times do you see someone being picked on or being talked down to and you actually stop to do anything? Even as leaders we sometimes tend to just think "It's all in good fun." "They'll get over." "They just want attention."
The attention whore is only causing pain for other people. I'm sick and tired of it. People say and do things for shock value or to get a rise out of people, and it only shows their immaturity and lack of self confidence. It's like they're trying to make up for something they lack in. Being short, being fat, being ugly, being unintelligent, uncreative, causes people to consume themselves with the idea of trying to impress people with their words. Like, if they can talk down someone else, then their insecurities wont seem so bad. People will focus on the fault of the other person you just pointed out and not on your own.
You make life a living Hell. People can't do the things they want or participate in things they enjoy because of your senselessness and your insensitivity.
To whom this may concern: Shut up. No one cares anymore. Everything you say is just garbage. Half of your bragging, people don't even believe. When you're arguing and bickering, people talk about how annoying you are. No likes a know-it-all. That's what you believe you are. Stop. You're only embarrassing yourself.
To those who don't stop it: Shame on you. You let this bully parade all over everyone else. What do you do about it? Nothing. You sugar coat it. Apologize in private. Don't let him know that you don't like what he's doing. Maybe if you go on with life as usual, everything will stop. All fighting and name calling. All acts of rudeness and selfishness. News flash, ignoring the problem doesn't make anything better. Stop denying the truth and step up as leaders, not as followers. Because that's what you do. You follow his example. In a way, you almost sicken me more than he does because of your cowardliness to step up and take a stance against a jerk.
Because I know everyone has good qualities, I don't hate this person. I know there is a sliver of kindness in all of us that only takes sometime to reveal. But honestly, I'm tired of trying.
I'm tired of fighting.
I'm tired of trying to figure it out.
I'm tired of arguing with people about why he's this kind of a good guy.
I'm tired of people coming up with excuses for him.
I'm tired of him.
I'm tired of even trying to live amongst him.
Thus, I don't even know if I should.
Why not just quit? I mean, I don't have to be around him. I don't have to be involved in the same things. So why not quit?
Quiting is losing. Losing doesn't fly.
He can't defeat me. I'm stronger than he knows. I'm stronger than most know. Don't even think you can drive me away, because I've lasted this long.
Whatever you do, don't rub off on those younger involved. If you cause anyone of those boys to end up like you, our world is damned.
For those of you who honestly try and stop it, I'm proud of you ad I'm very thankful for you. But those who still keep their mouths closed, then I'll be praying for you.
Goodbye.
-- Ana
How many times do you see someone being picked on or being talked down to and you actually stop to do anything? Even as leaders we sometimes tend to just think "It's all in good fun." "They'll get over." "They just want attention."
The attention whore is only causing pain for other people. I'm sick and tired of it. People say and do things for shock value or to get a rise out of people, and it only shows their immaturity and lack of self confidence. It's like they're trying to make up for something they lack in. Being short, being fat, being ugly, being unintelligent, uncreative, causes people to consume themselves with the idea of trying to impress people with their words. Like, if they can talk down someone else, then their insecurities wont seem so bad. People will focus on the fault of the other person you just pointed out and not on your own.
You make life a living Hell. People can't do the things they want or participate in things they enjoy because of your senselessness and your insensitivity.
To whom this may concern: Shut up. No one cares anymore. Everything you say is just garbage. Half of your bragging, people don't even believe. When you're arguing and bickering, people talk about how annoying you are. No likes a know-it-all. That's what you believe you are. Stop. You're only embarrassing yourself.
To those who don't stop it: Shame on you. You let this bully parade all over everyone else. What do you do about it? Nothing. You sugar coat it. Apologize in private. Don't let him know that you don't like what he's doing. Maybe if you go on with life as usual, everything will stop. All fighting and name calling. All acts of rudeness and selfishness. News flash, ignoring the problem doesn't make anything better. Stop denying the truth and step up as leaders, not as followers. Because that's what you do. You follow his example. In a way, you almost sicken me more than he does because of your cowardliness to step up and take a stance against a jerk.
Because I know everyone has good qualities, I don't hate this person. I know there is a sliver of kindness in all of us that only takes sometime to reveal. But honestly, I'm tired of trying.
I'm tired of fighting.
I'm tired of trying to figure it out.
I'm tired of arguing with people about why he's this kind of a good guy.
I'm tired of people coming up with excuses for him.
I'm tired of him.
I'm tired of even trying to live amongst him.
Thus, I don't even know if I should.
Why not just quit? I mean, I don't have to be around him. I don't have to be involved in the same things. So why not quit?
Quiting is losing. Losing doesn't fly.
He can't defeat me. I'm stronger than he knows. I'm stronger than most know. Don't even think you can drive me away, because I've lasted this long.
Whatever you do, don't rub off on those younger involved. If you cause anyone of those boys to end up like you, our world is damned.
For those of you who honestly try and stop it, I'm proud of you ad I'm very thankful for you. But those who still keep their mouths closed, then I'll be praying for you.
Goodbye.
-- Ana
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Today.
I saw that it was good.
Today has actually gone quite well, which is surprising. I thought I would go to work with my mom and just spend all day bored out of my mind. Little did I know, God would bless me even at Nordstrom. I went out to breakfast with My mom and Wanda, which was decent. We talked a lot about how I need a real jacket because borrowing Mr. Griggs and Justin' coats wasn't going to get me through the rest of Fall and into Winter. I was reluctant, because, honestly, I don't really care for the restriction of a jacket.
Later, my mom and I went into B.P. and Active Wear in order to find me a jacket. By the end of the hour I had spent $300 on 3 or 4 sweaters, a vest, a pair of lazyman pants, and 3 t-shirts. Plus, I bought a very comfortable fleece jacket which I'm currently wearing because it's perfect.
Also, Justin gave me a couple of CDs and I'm so thankful he did! Wow. I already knew I liked the Plain White T's but I finally got to hear the whole CD, and it's very nice. Also, he gave me a Shaded Red CD which is also very beautiful. It's funny, if you took away his singing, I would think I'm listening to Cake. Sooo many good songs on this CD. I'm disappointed I have to give it to Ryan, because I'd keep it forever if I didn't have to give it up. Oh well.
But yes, today's been good. Oh! Also, I found this video on YouTube that has these Asian kids singing and dancing to Dandelions by Five Iron Frenzy. I just have to keep watching it because it makes me smile every time I see it!!!!!
Well, I'll probably get on later, so there might be more to come!
-- Ana
Monday, October 8, 2007
George Lopez
I was watching the show, and this was funny... at least to me!
George: "Anyone who's been manager before doesn't want to be a co-manager!! Would you want to be a co-wife?"
Wife: "If she would clean the toliets, then yes!"
Haha... Nick@Nite makes me so happy. So do bubble baths. They is gooood.
George: "Anyone who's been manager before doesn't want to be a co-manager!! Would you want to be a co-wife?"
Wife: "If she would clean the toliets, then yes!"
Haha... Nick@Nite makes me so happy. So do bubble baths. They is gooood.
Girls are gay.
Seriously.
Today was pretty much sucky. Earlier today, my best friend heard really crappy news, had to tell her mother the crappy news, and now is living a nightmare. Does she deserve it? Eh, not so much. It was a mistake she made that hurt nobody at the time and is now being blown out of proportion. Later, in PE, I had to run the 12 minute run. Ew. But, I did okay for someone as out of shape as I am. But, the worst was my third period.
Sooo, this girl asked me if she could borrow my cell phone to get connected with her ride of the afternoon. Being the polite, sweet, and ever so generous woman that I am, I kindly said "sure!" Ugh. Curse my never ending desire to please those around me! As time progressed, I realized that I had only seen her use my phone to send one message and only one message returned. Man, I'm so ignorant. After, maybe, 20 minutes, she asks to borrow my planner to use to get a hall pass to go to the bathroom. Again, I said sure, while deciding to use her bathroom time to look through my phone to see who she was talking to. Hahahaha, I read through FIFTEEN text messages that she sent, not to mention the FIFTEEN responses. Creep. To add to it, every message went along the lines of "Hey." "I love you." "?" ":)" etc. Then, after the first greetings, I go onto read a sexual charged conversation between the two. This all from my phone. My poor innocent phone was brutally thrust into the world of teenage hormones and sexuality.
Meanwhile, during the whole thing, I began talking about this anime thing I had saw. Now, this girl constantly makes snotty comments about God, Christianity, Religion, and Me. All negative, mind you. So, as I continue with my story, she snaps at me "Hey, don't make fun of anime." I responded "I wasn't. I was just telling a story, and it was to Whitley..."
Her: "Well, I like anime."
Me: "Well, I like God."
Her: "I've never made fun of your God."
Me: "Yes you have. You constantly make fun of me, my Christian friends, and my Jesus loving behaviors."
Her: "No I don't! I was a Mormon, so I don't know what it's like to be Christian or anything. I was just wandering about it...."
Me: "Look, I'm not here to condemn you for anything, because doing so would only contradict what God's purpose for me is. I wasn't in any way making fun of something you care about."
Her: "Just don't do it around me..."
Okay, I was even talking to her! Err... girls make everything more complicated.
Ohhh! Also, we were sitting around making our projects when the subject of homecoming came up. Kelsey asked if I was there, because she didn't see me. So I told her about my sister's shower and also the quiz meet. Kelsey asked what a "quiz meet" was. I explained "You memorize parts of the Bible, then you go and quiz against other churches."
Then, being the complete jerk that she's shown herself to be, that same girl goes "Ew, why would you want to do that?!"
Kelsey was like "Dude, she's f***ing religious, c***."
Me: "Haven't you realized that yet... seeing as every class we end up talking about it and I've made clear my point of views and my stance."
Her: "Still, it just seems stupid. Memorizing a book... do you even get anything from it?"
Felicia: "Shut up. If she likes doing it, don't stop her. She doesn't tell you to stop doing witchcraft."
Her: "That's useful."
The conversation came to a quick pause, then Felicia quickly asked how the meet went if and we won.
So, today was irritating and wasting minutes of my life. I can feel my heart weakening by the moment.
Thanks for listening to my rant.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
They Lied
"When they said the good die young..."
Anberlin is really stinkin amazing. Godspeed makes me want to jump and punch something (Not that I don't always feels that way... but I mean, Aaron isn't even around and I still feel the need to destroy.) I should go to bed for school starts in 9 hours... thus meaning I'll be leaving in about 81/2 hours, leading to having to wake up in 7 1/2 hours, ergo, only getting 7 or so hours of sleep. It's more than some people I know. I also kind of wanted to study Ephesians tonight, because doing so terrible yesterday was kind of a wake up call. But, sadly, my book is at the home of a slacker. But I'll get it back on Tuesday, so it's no big deal (Though he will have hell to pay.) Also, I didn't exactly get all of my homework done. Basically I did, but I was too tired to do it thoroughly. Luckily, Mrs. Keeney doesn't really check to see if you showed all your work and what not.
I wish I had something to look forward to this week. I mean, my dad's birthday is on Wednesday, which is okay. TBQ is on Thursday, but I'm not sure if we're having a party or just quizzing. And Christlyn and I were supposed to hang out on Wednesday, but that was canceled and needs to be rescheduled. So... we'll see. I also wanted to go hang out with PNik on Thursday, but again, we'll find out in the end.
So, if you have anything cool to do this week, then don't hesitate to invite me!
Godspeed.
-- Ana
Anberlin is really stinkin amazing. Godspeed makes me want to jump and punch something (Not that I don't always feels that way... but I mean, Aaron isn't even around and I still feel the need to destroy.) I should go to bed for school starts in 9 hours... thus meaning I'll be leaving in about 81/2 hours, leading to having to wake up in 7 1/2 hours, ergo, only getting 7 or so hours of sleep. It's more than some people I know. I also kind of wanted to study Ephesians tonight, because doing so terrible yesterday was kind of a wake up call. But, sadly, my book is at the home of a slacker. But I'll get it back on Tuesday, so it's no big deal (Though he will have hell to pay.) Also, I didn't exactly get all of my homework done. Basically I did, but I was too tired to do it thoroughly. Luckily, Mrs. Keeney doesn't really check to see if you showed all your work and what not.
I wish I had something to look forward to this week. I mean, my dad's birthday is on Wednesday, which is okay. TBQ is on Thursday, but I'm not sure if we're having a party or just quizzing. And Christlyn and I were supposed to hang out on Wednesday, but that was canceled and needs to be rescheduled. So... we'll see. I also wanted to go hang out with PNik on Thursday, but again, we'll find out in the end.
So, if you have anything cool to do this week, then don't hesitate to invite me!
Godspeed.
-- Ana
My Deepest Concerns Will Stay Buried and Unspoken
So, this is still all new to me... and I wont lie, it has me a little scared. I mean, I can find my way around MySpace, and even Facebook is becoming easier and easier. I figured I needed more ways for creepy stalkers to get a hold of my info. But unless all they want to know is what I did today and what the latest thing that pissed me off was, then they're not in the right place.
Anyways, so "blogging" isn't my forte, so until I get the hang of this and find interesting things to talk about, this is will be pretty lame.
My life is going well, for the most part. Did horrible at league 1 today for Bible Quiz. Wow. Seriously, it was bad. Now I'm watching Dr. 90210, which is always gross and I don't exactly understand why I watch it. All they do is cut people open or jab them with things. How could you be a plastic surgeon? I could stab, poke, snap, and stitch just so they can feel 10% better about themselves. And these people get addicted! They're always back the next season to get something else done. And then the very next season they're back for their third time around.
Also, today was my sister's baby shower and I won two games. I never win games... ever. It's really sad, but I won twice! I ha to answer questions about Disney princesses, which I thought I did horrible at, but apparently everyone else was even worse. Also, I played baby bingo, and I knew I'd win because I dominate at Bingo. I also got to pet some horses and one tried to eat me, but in a cute way. Like "I love you so much, I want you in my stomach." But I got to see a pony, but he wanted nothing to do with me, which made me feel alone. It was perfect. It was raining, I standing by myself, and I was being denied by a horse. I felt like a dramatic scene in a crappy film.
So, I'm still watching Dr. 90210, everyone on this episode is a body builder. Ew. First of all, Women look disgusting with huge muscles. It's just nasty to look at, unnatural, and just make me throw up. And men aren't much better. Guys with huge muscles aren't exactly always perfect. I prefer skinny guys. They're much cuter... and hotter. I mean, a little muscle is okay, sometimes it even looks better, but I usually prefer skinny because muscles look like I'm going to beat up. I don't know, maybe someone beat me as a child and I just don't remember it... Anyways, if you have muscle on top of muscle, you're gross. :)
Tomorrow I'm supposed to get up for Quiz by 8:30... I'm not sure that will be happening.
So, have a nice Sunday tomorrow. I hope EVERYONE goes to their church tomorrow morning and learns a lot about Jesus.
Godspeed.
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